it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
