A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
