she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
