on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
