i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
