maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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