I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
