we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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