I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
