Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's blow job season.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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