i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
