I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
