I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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