who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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