Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize