Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
