Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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