Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
