yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
