I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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