She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
