Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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