Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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