Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
