Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
