Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
