best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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