there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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