what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
