The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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