Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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