Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
