My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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