I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
