dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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