i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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