dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
