So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
