He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize