just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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