can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
NoShamevember. You game?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
