It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
