don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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