I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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