I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
