He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
