kristin has been a bad kristin
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
