God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
