I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
