I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
