I want you more than these girls want KFC
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize