His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
