Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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