Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know her cup size but not her name....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
