He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
