There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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