can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize