I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
