wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry about my life...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
