I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
