If that was your dad, he is hot
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize