My liver just broke up with me...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
