first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
