Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
