he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just puked most of my soul out..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
