She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
