I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
