Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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