she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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